Moving forward.

This is it...
2011 here we come, whether we are ready of not.

Lets pray that we are ready.

Unashamed!

I AM A PART of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is in God’s hands. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, the bare minimum, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, frivolous living, selfish giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, applause, or popularity. I don’'t have to be right, first, the best, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith. I lean on Christ’s presence. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with the power of God’s grace.

My face is set. My gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my
companions are few, my Guide is reliable, and my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and spoken up for the cause of Christ.

I must go till He comes, give until I drop, speak out until all know, and work until He stops me. And when He returns for His own, He will have no difficulty recognizing me. My banner will be clear: 

I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

--Author unknown

Lets burn our textbooks.

HAHA, time for some fun. 1st item on the list for this holiday:

ICE SKATING!

Just Thinking

I am fairly certain that I am setting myself up for a fall.

@$%)(*&^%$

I don't really have anything to say, besides the fact that today was a bad day. I am tired of trying. I am tired of working for goals that will never come true. I am tired of things never, and I mean NEVER going my way. I am tired of always being disappointed.

I want to run away a be someone else.

I want out

Pass the Pumpkin Pie Please!!!

Today is a great day... A day all about thanks, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I would like to list just a few.

First and foremost, my Family. My rock, the ones who keep me grounded. Yes, I do frequently get frustrated with their nagging, but I know it is because they love me and they are often right when trying to help me.
Next, are my friends. I like to think of them as my extended family. I love each and everyone of them and thank the Lord everyday that I have such wonderful people to bless my life.
I am grateful that I have the opportunity to receive an education, even though I don't always take advantage of it by studying as much as I should.
Talents... I love the talents I have been given. The ability to move and express myself through dance and song just makes life that much more worth living.
I am even grateful for the "not so big and scary" blizzard that made campus close at three, giving me one more weekend to study for my test that I was going to take on Tuesday.
So thanks again; my family, my friends, my dance coaches. To all of you have touch my life in one way or another. Whether you were my shoulder to cry on, or the one that made me cry. Whether you build me up or break me down. I have been given a lot and have learned a lot over the past few years.
Now.... it is time to eat some pie

Ciou!

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

I can not believe that it snowed today. Granted it only lasted about 10 minutes, but still, snow?! I have lived in Utah my whole life, you would think that I like snow right? Wrong! People always ask if I ski or snowboard in the winter months. Sadly I do not. I would love to learn, but lets face the facts... I dance instead.
As a dancer, learning to ski or snowboard... not really high on my priority list, not to mention how extremely stupid I would be. People can say as much they want that certain things are not dangerous if you know what you are doing and you don't do anything crazy... I don't believe them. I am a mover, getting hurt and spending weeks or maybe even months not doing the thing I love, seems extremely ungrateful for the gift I have been given, not to mention it would drive me insane. So I play it safe...always. Not just in situations where physical danger is involved, but any type of danger.

Wow that was a very strange segway

"Mother Hen", someone once called me this. Did it offend me? Kind of, not too much, only a little. Why? I am not exactly sure. I think maybe because it insinuated that I don't know how to have fun, or that I like to keep other people from having fun or that I like to have control... over situations or people. I don't know? I get in a protective mood when I see these potentially dangerous situations. I blame my parents... I will forever be overly cautious because of them. It is how I was raised, but when I see my friends or family making decisions that in the future could eventually hurt them, I want to step in an save them from the fall. To that some may reply that falling is one of the ways of learning. Maybe it is... in some situations.

Maybe I just feel guilty about not stepping into situations in the past. I feel like I have to make up for them now... or maybe I see a pattern forming that I think I might be able to stop. Yet how do you help someone who won't listen. It is so frustrating.

To whom ever reads this entry, I am sorry. I have no idea why this all came out today, and to be honest I really didn't have anyone in mind when the words flowed from my fingers. I guess today was just a day of reflection for me. Point is, there are things I wish I would have done differently when I look back on my life, friends I wish I would have confronted before things went south. I don't know everything... in fact, when it comes to life and life experiences many people know more them me, but there is something inside of me that will always be protective of those I love... no matter what.

Dance Sport :)

Actually, not so excited about it. Someone please put me out of my misery so that I don't have to go through with this!!!

Lyrics to love!

THE NEXT TEN MINUTES--Jason Robert Brown

Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes we can handle that.
We could watch the waves, we could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait as the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?

GROW OLD WITH ME--Jason Robert Brown

Grow old with me, Stay as the days go past.
Grow old with me –Some things are meant to last.
If you’ll agree, Heaven might wait –We could delay our expiration date.

Grow old with me, Teach me the words to sing
When my last spring has finally sprung!
Stay for an hour, Stay for a day, Stay ‘til we shrink and get wrinkled and gray!
Grow old with me, and we’ll stay forever young!

Grow old with me –Darling, let’s fossilize!
With your blue eyes and my silver tongue!

Don’t leave me flat – Don’t leave me cold!
Don’t leave me rusted and crusted with mold,
Grow old with me, ‘Til my final fling is flung!
Grow old with me and we’ll stay forever young!

SOMEONE ELSE'S STORY-Chess

Long ago, in someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name, who looked a lot like me
Came to know, a man and made a promise
He only had to say and that's where she would be
Lately, although the feelings run just as deep
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so, will he miss me if I go?

In a way, it's someone else's story
I don't see myself, as taking part at all
Yesterday, a girl that I was fond of finally could see the writing on the wall
Sadly, she realized she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing, no choices whatsoever.

I could be, in someone else's story
In someone else's life, and he could be in mine
I don't see a reason to be lonely
I could take my chances further down the line
And if that girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now! I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me.

I love music. However if I wrote down all the lyrics I love, I would be typing for ever and the post would be the longest post in history. So these lyrics are even better with the music to back them up. I love all of Jason Robert Brown's music! Definitely worth looking up.

That is all.

One of those days

Can I just say how much I hate being sick. The End

Proud to be

I woke up to words I didn't understand.
"The World Trade Center has been hit by terrorists." What? Who are terrorists, and what is the World Trade Center? My mind was spinning. My mother left my room to allow me to continue sleeping. I already didn't feel well and this new information just confused me. After my family had left to go about their day, the house was eerily silent. I dragged myself out of bed carrying my blanket and pillow with me. I moved emotionless down the stairs. The words terrorists and World Trade Center kept ringing in my head.

I turned on the news eager to know what was happening. The chaos and pandemonium that the screen displayed was terrifying. I sat in awe as I watched the black smoke billowing out of the tall building. Who could do such a thing. Pools of tears gathered in my eyes as I mourned for the people I didn't know. My seventh grade mind didn't understand why or how anyone could fly a plane into a building. I watched as people cried and tried to get away from the horror. I looked on as people, hopeless and fearful, jumped from the building, taking their own lives. My heart cried out for these souls.

Clutching the blanket and squeezing my pillow didn't prevent the next event. Unfolding before my eyes was an American horror film or so it seemed. The small dot at the edge of the screen got larger and larger until the unidentified object was given a name. Another plane zoomed straight into the next building. I sat wide eyed as the building tumbled to the ground. I couldn't believe my eyes. This must be a movie or something. I can't actually be watching this. But it was real. All of it. To me it was the projection of the days events on a screen. For the people in New York it was their whole world in dust falling on their streets.

Now 9 years later we still remember this event. Just as the last generation remembers the details about the fateful day of December 7th, the day that Pearl Harbor was attacked. This generation will forever remember where we were, what we were doing and who we were with on the day that our country was seriously attacked in over half a century. September 11th will go down in history. The American people came together in the days and weeks that followed.

Americans, we are a strong able nation. We are blessed to be a part of this land, and though enemies my rise up to destroy us we must hold strong. We must never give up hope that tomorrow will bring a better day. Each day the sun rises and sets. Each day brings some good and some bad. We must never forget what this nation stands for. This nation's people have endured much since before its beginnings. Let us try to never sway from what this country represents. One nation, under God. To promote liberty and justice. To be a people who work for the betterment of our fellow men, whether they be of our race and creed, or another. God bless this land, and this people. God bless the USA!

Once Upon A Time...

There was a young women who lived in a magical place. This place was filled with music and dancing. She loved to dance. Day after day the music played and the dancing continued. It was pure bliss. Eventually her feet got tired and her body ached and her head ringed with melodious notes. However the young woman didn't mind. She just kept dancing and dancing.
Yet her joy could not last forever. One day a nasty mean old witch flew in and cursed her and her friends with a horrible spell. No longer could they spend their days dancing. They had to work instead, and it was the worst kind of work at that. Homework! The young woman was still happy, but only every other day. The days of dance the terrible spell could not effect.
On a particular night the young woman sat at her window and wished upon a star, "Star light, star bright..." She concluded her wish and finished her work and went to bed. A few more days went by and her wish came true. A big bus came and carried her companions and her away to a different land for a weekend of dance and fun. Sadly she couldn't stay there for ever. For all the other young ladies wanted to get back to their prince charming s.  The young woman laughed at the ridiculousness, but deep down knew it was a nice idea. When they returned home, the work began again. It was almost to much for the young lady. She was sometimes sad, because of the work she had to do. She was also sad because her friends were sometimes happy and sometimes sad and she liked it when they were happy. She also wanted what all the other girls had, a prince of her own. So she wished on another star, this time not too eager for the wish to come true. "Someday," she thought, "but, until that day at least I have my dancing to keep me happy.
And so she danced into a figurative sunset. As far as we know she is still living happily, the "ever after" just hasn't happened yet.

Oh well,
Someday.

Wednesday

Today I woke up almost positive that today was the day. The day I had been waiting for, for months. I had speculated and calculated and ran the numbers over and over and over again. And according to all sources I was finally going to find out what I wanted to know so much. I thought to myself no more sleepless nights. No more worrying. NO MORE! and then, what the... sources change their mind. I have to wait til Monday? I have to go the rest of week with out sleeping. Urgh! so frustrated. So many things I can't even begin. Actually I could, but I am sick of words, things just need to start happening. Whatever, end of vent.

What else can I say...

About a month ago I was walking through the store when I noticed the "card" aisle. I thought to myself, "Hey, fathers day is coming up next month I should look and get some ideas for cards for my dad. As I was looking I came across the PERFECT card. It was written for my dad. So I bought it then.Today I gave it to my dad, as he read he laughed along with it, knowing how well it defined our father/daughter relationship. As he reached the end I could see the tears that he was holding back. It made me tear up even. My father is the most wonderful man I know. No one comes close. I have meet many amazing people and they are all very dear to me, but no man is closer to my heart then my father. I have learned so much from his care and example. There are times that I do get frustrated with his constant need to know where I am and who I am with. Yet I know that it is because I am his only daughter and he wants to know that I am safe and sound. Someday I hope to meet the one man that is comparable to my father, and when I do I will not let him go. I wish that man luck though because filling my fathers shoes is going to be pretty tough.

On this father's day, it is only fitting that I not only recognize my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father as well. My mortal mind cannot comprehend the love that He has for his children (me included :)! ) I have been so blessed by Him and owe all that I am to Him. His care and guidance that He has shown me through my friends and family is more then I probably deserve. He is there through all of my trials, opportunities, heartaches, and joyful times. He remains constant when everything seems to fall apart and He is responsible for all the things that go my way. I love Him and my earthly father with my whole heart.
Happy Father's day!

Enough is Enough...

URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just send us the dumb emails already so I can get on with the rest of my life. The End

Looking Back.

Today I went to a friends homecoming. It was almost as if he had never left. All the gang was back together with a few additions (Spouses, and kids). Everything was back to how it was before. I no longer felt like I was in college. I no longer worried about dance, or school, or relationships or anything. We all just talked and loved life. It was refreshing, and then I realized that soon we would all leave and continue our lives. Time had stopped for a brief moment, but I couldn't hold it there forever. It had to move on. So the time came and we all parted and went our separate ways. As I walked toward my car, the smell of the rain filled air and the look of the green grass ahead of me sent me into another flashback.

Nauvoo. The feeling of it seemed to seep quickly into my soul. I didn't know how or what had brought this feeling on, but I longed more then anything to be back in that place. Yes it was hot and humid at times. And I was always so tired after each and every show, but it didn't matter because I was so happy there. I was doing what I loved, with people I loved, in a place I loved. I wish that I could put the spirit of Nauvoo down in words. Sadly it is impossible. That place was amazing. I can't remember a time when I was so happy for no reason. We went spent a lot time in vans, we did a lot of seemingly boring things. Yet I loved every minute of it. I often wish I could turn back time. Maybe someday soon I will go back, but until then I just have to live with my memories.

A little piece...

You gave it willingly, this little piece of you. Maybe it was your childhood memories. It could have possibly been your biggest fears. It could have been the moments where you never thought you would rid yourself of the loneliness that engulfed you. Whatever it was, you shared it with them. They freely and willingly accepted this piece of you. However you did not freely give. It was hard to let go of this small piece. This thing that you kept hidden so no one could see your weakness. It wasn't something easily shared. It took all of your strength to pass it on and all of your courage and faith to believe that they would still accept you when all was said and done.

When they didn't run after the first gift you found that a burden had been lifted from your shoulders. Your emotions seemed to float on air as you realized you were no longer alone to carry the weight of your cares. Someone else was now pulling with you. The mountain had seemed high at first, but with this new found confidence in this individual it didn't seem as treacharous as before. You kept spilling out information until this individual knew almost everything about you. You had put half of yourself into this person. They truly became your other half, knowing your fears, hopes, dreams, wants, cares, thoughts, everything. You felt as though you had opened Pandora's box in a way. Once you had started to open this box which contained all of you it was hard to close it again. It was even harder to put everything back in its place. It seemed now that the box was too small and if it weren't for this other person helping you carrying part of who you are, you wouldn't know what to do. So for the time being you keep the box in one arm and this person in the other. You wait for the day when you both take and burn the box forever ensuring that you both will help each other carry the others half, making you whole.

Sunny Days

Have you ever noticed that there are certain things that make you happy?
For me it is things like:
-Dancing
-Singing
-Being with friends
-Sitting outside when the sun is shining
-Taking a drive with music blasting, not having to think about anything but the road ahead of me.
We all have a "happy list" that keeps us sane. Lately the one on the top of my list is music. There is just something about putting words to music that magnifies the feeling portrayed. If I had things my way, my life would be a musical. Where everyone would know the choreography, they would know the harmonies and words as well, and they wouldn't think I was some sort of freak when I randomly broke out into song in the middle of the street, or the hallway, or classroom, or hard test.
Wouldn't that be great! Ahh, sadly it is not possible. So for now I just have to dream about a world like that, and sing quietly to myself.

Broken Highway

The connecting point between point A and point B was slowly crumbling. The engineer had worked years to make it strong and sturdy. It was supposed to last through any storm, any force that might oppose it. Communication between the two points started to fade. Yet which point screamed louder. Could the cries of reason be heard from point A over the cheers and yells of point B? Connected as one for so long the new found freedom as a separate identity left A and B in confusion. No longer could one watch out for the other. The broken road had severed any chance that either one would survive unscathed by one storm or another.

Pieces of the highway seemed to fall away for no reason. Maybe it was the that the source of light that brought this doom to pass. Was it too bright? The possibility seem ridiculous. Yet as the storm clouds rolled in the road could be found with pot holes and the gap between point A and B no longer held a bridge. The storm started to rage and beat upon point B, but communication for help could not reach point A.

I stood there helpless. the road that connected my brain and heart seemed to have disappeared. In the beginning I was blinded to this fact. So content was I in my place that I never looked for or at the damage. yet as my storm clouds blocked out the blinding light, I noticed too late the lost connection. The whole time my brain had been saying one thing and my heart another, but neither had been able to connect. The pain caused by this lost connection was an unnecessary sacrifice.

Was it possible that I tore down the bridge for my own selfish purposes. My head was on straight, but the only thing I heard was the cries of my hear longing for another. Now my heart cries for different things. Even though the connection has been rebuilt, it is not as clear as before. My head tries to help my heart understand and mend. At times it helps, at other times it is useless.

Only time will fix it, but I am impatient and don't want to wait. My brain says waiting is good. My heart wants solutions now. My brain communications its best, but all my heart hears is "Soon"

Soon you will mend my friend. Soon someone will put you back together. Soon enough after you will break again. it is a never ending cycle it seems to my heart. My head knows different.

Someday the pain will end
How long? How long must I wait?
Time! Time has the answer. Only time knows.
I don't know how much I like time, my heart replies.

Vent Session...

Okay so at this point I am using this blog to vent, and right now my issue is trust. I trust WAY to easily. I seem to take everyone as they appear to me, and hope that I see the complete package. It is flaw and one that I should remedy soon. I trust that when someone tells me something, it is the truth. I trust that when I open up to someone that they will be considerate with how I feel. I have gotten to a point where I don't know how to tell when I am blatantly being lied to my face, and this fact scares me and depresses me. I don't always know what to believe anymore. Honestly, is there something about me that just screams, "Hey, I love to be lied to and tricked and let down." Probably not...but sometimes it seems this way.

As of late, I sometimes sit back and think... Why me?I know everyone thinks this, but at the time that these two words run through your head you are usually hurting. I feel betrayed, and stupid for somehow falling for it again. AGAIN! URGH! I guess I kind of brought it on myself. I was warned, but still trusted and hoped that everyone was wrong and that this person I believed in so much would not disappoint me. Well, obviously I was the one who was wrong, or else I wouldn't be writing this right now. At first it hurt, because I trusted this person with my feelings. I was bitter the day after and tried hard to get over it the next day. Well, now I am to the stage where the bitterness has returned, but with a slight edge of betrayal. I was trying to just, "forgive and forget," but then I find out things that I wish I had known sooner. Things that hurt and break me all over again. I don't really like feeling broken. I guess this is the first time that I have really felt this way, and I never want to feel like this again. Yet, sadly it is bound to happen. I just hope the next time I give someone my trust that they don't abuse it. I hope that they realize how precious and fragile a thing like trust is. Okay vent session over...

I gave in...

Okay, so I gave in and created a blog! Stay Tuned....