Wednesday

Today I woke up almost positive that today was the day. The day I had been waiting for, for months. I had speculated and calculated and ran the numbers over and over and over again. And according to all sources I was finally going to find out what I wanted to know so much. I thought to myself no more sleepless nights. No more worrying. NO MORE! and then, what the... sources change their mind. I have to wait til Monday? I have to go the rest of week with out sleeping. Urgh! so frustrated. So many things I can't even begin. Actually I could, but I am sick of words, things just need to start happening. Whatever, end of vent.

What else can I say...

About a month ago I was walking through the store when I noticed the "card" aisle. I thought to myself, "Hey, fathers day is coming up next month I should look and get some ideas for cards for my dad. As I was looking I came across the PERFECT card. It was written for my dad. So I bought it then.Today I gave it to my dad, as he read he laughed along with it, knowing how well it defined our father/daughter relationship. As he reached the end I could see the tears that he was holding back. It made me tear up even. My father is the most wonderful man I know. No one comes close. I have meet many amazing people and they are all very dear to me, but no man is closer to my heart then my father. I have learned so much from his care and example. There are times that I do get frustrated with his constant need to know where I am and who I am with. Yet I know that it is because I am his only daughter and he wants to know that I am safe and sound. Someday I hope to meet the one man that is comparable to my father, and when I do I will not let him go. I wish that man luck though because filling my fathers shoes is going to be pretty tough.

On this father's day, it is only fitting that I not only recognize my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father as well. My mortal mind cannot comprehend the love that He has for his children (me included :)! ) I have been so blessed by Him and owe all that I am to Him. His care and guidance that He has shown me through my friends and family is more then I probably deserve. He is there through all of my trials, opportunities, heartaches, and joyful times. He remains constant when everything seems to fall apart and He is responsible for all the things that go my way. I love Him and my earthly father with my whole heart.
Happy Father's day!

Enough is Enough...

URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just send us the dumb emails already so I can get on with the rest of my life. The End

Looking Back.

Today I went to a friends homecoming. It was almost as if he had never left. All the gang was back together with a few additions (Spouses, and kids). Everything was back to how it was before. I no longer felt like I was in college. I no longer worried about dance, or school, or relationships or anything. We all just talked and loved life. It was refreshing, and then I realized that soon we would all leave and continue our lives. Time had stopped for a brief moment, but I couldn't hold it there forever. It had to move on. So the time came and we all parted and went our separate ways. As I walked toward my car, the smell of the rain filled air and the look of the green grass ahead of me sent me into another flashback.

Nauvoo. The feeling of it seemed to seep quickly into my soul. I didn't know how or what had brought this feeling on, but I longed more then anything to be back in that place. Yes it was hot and humid at times. And I was always so tired after each and every show, but it didn't matter because I was so happy there. I was doing what I loved, with people I loved, in a place I loved. I wish that I could put the spirit of Nauvoo down in words. Sadly it is impossible. That place was amazing. I can't remember a time when I was so happy for no reason. We went spent a lot time in vans, we did a lot of seemingly boring things. Yet I loved every minute of it. I often wish I could turn back time. Maybe someday soon I will go back, but until then I just have to live with my memories.

A little piece...

You gave it willingly, this little piece of you. Maybe it was your childhood memories. It could have possibly been your biggest fears. It could have been the moments where you never thought you would rid yourself of the loneliness that engulfed you. Whatever it was, you shared it with them. They freely and willingly accepted this piece of you. However you did not freely give. It was hard to let go of this small piece. This thing that you kept hidden so no one could see your weakness. It wasn't something easily shared. It took all of your strength to pass it on and all of your courage and faith to believe that they would still accept you when all was said and done.

When they didn't run after the first gift you found that a burden had been lifted from your shoulders. Your emotions seemed to float on air as you realized you were no longer alone to carry the weight of your cares. Someone else was now pulling with you. The mountain had seemed high at first, but with this new found confidence in this individual it didn't seem as treacharous as before. You kept spilling out information until this individual knew almost everything about you. You had put half of yourself into this person. They truly became your other half, knowing your fears, hopes, dreams, wants, cares, thoughts, everything. You felt as though you had opened Pandora's box in a way. Once you had started to open this box which contained all of you it was hard to close it again. It was even harder to put everything back in its place. It seemed now that the box was too small and if it weren't for this other person helping you carrying part of who you are, you wouldn't know what to do. So for the time being you keep the box in one arm and this person in the other. You wait for the day when you both take and burn the box forever ensuring that you both will help each other carry the others half, making you whole.