Okay so at this point I am using this blog to vent, and right now my issue is trust. I trust WAY to easily. I seem to take everyone as they appear to me, and hope that I see the complete package. It is flaw and one that I should remedy soon. I trust that when someone tells me something, it is the truth. I trust that when I open up to someone that they will be considerate with how I feel. I have gotten to a point where I don't know how to tell when I am blatantly being lied to my face, and this fact scares me and depresses me. I don't always know what to believe anymore. Honestly, is there something about me that just screams, "Hey, I love to be lied to and tricked and let down." Probably not...but sometimes it seems this way.
As of late, I sometimes sit back and think... Why me?I know everyone thinks this, but at the time that these two words run through your head you are usually hurting. I feel betrayed, and stupid for somehow falling for it again. AGAIN! URGH! I guess I kind of brought it on myself. I was warned, but still trusted and hoped that everyone was wrong and that this person I believed in so much would not disappoint me. Well, obviously I was the one who was wrong, or else I wouldn't be writing this right now. At first it hurt, because I trusted this person with my feelings. I was bitter the day after and tried hard to get over it the next day. Well, now I am to the stage where the bitterness has returned, but with a slight edge of betrayal. I was trying to just, "forgive and forget," but then I find out things that I wish I had known sooner. Things that hurt and break me all over again. I don't really like feeling broken. I guess this is the first time that I have really felt this way, and I never want to feel like this again. Yet, sadly it is bound to happen. I just hope the next time I give someone my trust that they don't abuse it. I hope that they realize how precious and fragile a thing like trust is. Okay vent session over...
:) Quarters, you got this. You're bigger and better than all of this. I promise. It hurts. Like Hell it hurts. I don't need to tell you that. But the truth is like I told you, "Know the good without the bad." Trust me. It prepares you. It opens you up. It allows you to console your daughters when they'll be broken too. You cannot let go of that trust. Someday you're going to have to hold on to someone and trust them like there's no tomorrow. Don't let the idiocy and arrogance of other's stupid decisions turn you into someone that struggles to believe, struggles to trust.
ReplyDeleteHope & faith. Hold onto hope & faith, Babe. Sometimes it's all we can do.