Enough is Enough...

URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just send us the dumb emails already so I can get on with the rest of my life. The End

Looking Back.

Today I went to a friends homecoming. It was almost as if he had never left. All the gang was back together with a few additions (Spouses, and kids). Everything was back to how it was before. I no longer felt like I was in college. I no longer worried about dance, or school, or relationships or anything. We all just talked and loved life. It was refreshing, and then I realized that soon we would all leave and continue our lives. Time had stopped for a brief moment, but I couldn't hold it there forever. It had to move on. So the time came and we all parted and went our separate ways. As I walked toward my car, the smell of the rain filled air and the look of the green grass ahead of me sent me into another flashback.

Nauvoo. The feeling of it seemed to seep quickly into my soul. I didn't know how or what had brought this feeling on, but I longed more then anything to be back in that place. Yes it was hot and humid at times. And I was always so tired after each and every show, but it didn't matter because I was so happy there. I was doing what I loved, with people I loved, in a place I loved. I wish that I could put the spirit of Nauvoo down in words. Sadly it is impossible. That place was amazing. I can't remember a time when I was so happy for no reason. We went spent a lot time in vans, we did a lot of seemingly boring things. Yet I loved every minute of it. I often wish I could turn back time. Maybe someday soon I will go back, but until then I just have to live with my memories.

A little piece...

You gave it willingly, this little piece of you. Maybe it was your childhood memories. It could have possibly been your biggest fears. It could have been the moments where you never thought you would rid yourself of the loneliness that engulfed you. Whatever it was, you shared it with them. They freely and willingly accepted this piece of you. However you did not freely give. It was hard to let go of this small piece. This thing that you kept hidden so no one could see your weakness. It wasn't something easily shared. It took all of your strength to pass it on and all of your courage and faith to believe that they would still accept you when all was said and done.

When they didn't run after the first gift you found that a burden had been lifted from your shoulders. Your emotions seemed to float on air as you realized you were no longer alone to carry the weight of your cares. Someone else was now pulling with you. The mountain had seemed high at first, but with this new found confidence in this individual it didn't seem as treacharous as before. You kept spilling out information until this individual knew almost everything about you. You had put half of yourself into this person. They truly became your other half, knowing your fears, hopes, dreams, wants, cares, thoughts, everything. You felt as though you had opened Pandora's box in a way. Once you had started to open this box which contained all of you it was hard to close it again. It was even harder to put everything back in its place. It seemed now that the box was too small and if it weren't for this other person helping you carrying part of who you are, you wouldn't know what to do. So for the time being you keep the box in one arm and this person in the other. You wait for the day when you both take and burn the box forever ensuring that you both will help each other carry the others half, making you whole.

Sunny Days

Have you ever noticed that there are certain things that make you happy?
For me it is things like:
-Dancing
-Singing
-Being with friends
-Sitting outside when the sun is shining
-Taking a drive with music blasting, not having to think about anything but the road ahead of me.
We all have a "happy list" that keeps us sane. Lately the one on the top of my list is music. There is just something about putting words to music that magnifies the feeling portrayed. If I had things my way, my life would be a musical. Where everyone would know the choreography, they would know the harmonies and words as well, and they wouldn't think I was some sort of freak when I randomly broke out into song in the middle of the street, or the hallway, or classroom, or hard test.
Wouldn't that be great! Ahh, sadly it is not possible. So for now I just have to dream about a world like that, and sing quietly to myself.

Broken Highway

The connecting point between point A and point B was slowly crumbling. The engineer had worked years to make it strong and sturdy. It was supposed to last through any storm, any force that might oppose it. Communication between the two points started to fade. Yet which point screamed louder. Could the cries of reason be heard from point A over the cheers and yells of point B? Connected as one for so long the new found freedom as a separate identity left A and B in confusion. No longer could one watch out for the other. The broken road had severed any chance that either one would survive unscathed by one storm or another.

Pieces of the highway seemed to fall away for no reason. Maybe it was the that the source of light that brought this doom to pass. Was it too bright? The possibility seem ridiculous. Yet as the storm clouds rolled in the road could be found with pot holes and the gap between point A and B no longer held a bridge. The storm started to rage and beat upon point B, but communication for help could not reach point A.

I stood there helpless. the road that connected my brain and heart seemed to have disappeared. In the beginning I was blinded to this fact. So content was I in my place that I never looked for or at the damage. yet as my storm clouds blocked out the blinding light, I noticed too late the lost connection. The whole time my brain had been saying one thing and my heart another, but neither had been able to connect. The pain caused by this lost connection was an unnecessary sacrifice.

Was it possible that I tore down the bridge for my own selfish purposes. My head was on straight, but the only thing I heard was the cries of my hear longing for another. Now my heart cries for different things. Even though the connection has been rebuilt, it is not as clear as before. My head tries to help my heart understand and mend. At times it helps, at other times it is useless.

Only time will fix it, but I am impatient and don't want to wait. My brain says waiting is good. My heart wants solutions now. My brain communications its best, but all my heart hears is "Soon"

Soon you will mend my friend. Soon someone will put you back together. Soon enough after you will break again. it is a never ending cycle it seems to my heart. My head knows different.

Someday the pain will end
How long? How long must I wait?
Time! Time has the answer. Only time knows.
I don't know how much I like time, my heart replies.