Sunny Days

Have you ever noticed that there are certain things that make you happy?
For me it is things like:
-Dancing
-Singing
-Being with friends
-Sitting outside when the sun is shining
-Taking a drive with music blasting, not having to think about anything but the road ahead of me.
We all have a "happy list" that keeps us sane. Lately the one on the top of my list is music. There is just something about putting words to music that magnifies the feeling portrayed. If I had things my way, my life would be a musical. Where everyone would know the choreography, they would know the harmonies and words as well, and they wouldn't think I was some sort of freak when I randomly broke out into song in the middle of the street, or the hallway, or classroom, or hard test.
Wouldn't that be great! Ahh, sadly it is not possible. So for now I just have to dream about a world like that, and sing quietly to myself.

Broken Highway

The connecting point between point A and point B was slowly crumbling. The engineer had worked years to make it strong and sturdy. It was supposed to last through any storm, any force that might oppose it. Communication between the two points started to fade. Yet which point screamed louder. Could the cries of reason be heard from point A over the cheers and yells of point B? Connected as one for so long the new found freedom as a separate identity left A and B in confusion. No longer could one watch out for the other. The broken road had severed any chance that either one would survive unscathed by one storm or another.

Pieces of the highway seemed to fall away for no reason. Maybe it was the that the source of light that brought this doom to pass. Was it too bright? The possibility seem ridiculous. Yet as the storm clouds rolled in the road could be found with pot holes and the gap between point A and B no longer held a bridge. The storm started to rage and beat upon point B, but communication for help could not reach point A.

I stood there helpless. the road that connected my brain and heart seemed to have disappeared. In the beginning I was blinded to this fact. So content was I in my place that I never looked for or at the damage. yet as my storm clouds blocked out the blinding light, I noticed too late the lost connection. The whole time my brain had been saying one thing and my heart another, but neither had been able to connect. The pain caused by this lost connection was an unnecessary sacrifice.

Was it possible that I tore down the bridge for my own selfish purposes. My head was on straight, but the only thing I heard was the cries of my hear longing for another. Now my heart cries for different things. Even though the connection has been rebuilt, it is not as clear as before. My head tries to help my heart understand and mend. At times it helps, at other times it is useless.

Only time will fix it, but I am impatient and don't want to wait. My brain says waiting is good. My heart wants solutions now. My brain communications its best, but all my heart hears is "Soon"

Soon you will mend my friend. Soon someone will put you back together. Soon enough after you will break again. it is a never ending cycle it seems to my heart. My head knows different.

Someday the pain will end
How long? How long must I wait?
Time! Time has the answer. Only time knows.
I don't know how much I like time, my heart replies.

Vent Session...

Okay so at this point I am using this blog to vent, and right now my issue is trust. I trust WAY to easily. I seem to take everyone as they appear to me, and hope that I see the complete package. It is flaw and one that I should remedy soon. I trust that when someone tells me something, it is the truth. I trust that when I open up to someone that they will be considerate with how I feel. I have gotten to a point where I don't know how to tell when I am blatantly being lied to my face, and this fact scares me and depresses me. I don't always know what to believe anymore. Honestly, is there something about me that just screams, "Hey, I love to be lied to and tricked and let down." Probably not...but sometimes it seems this way.

As of late, I sometimes sit back and think... Why me?I know everyone thinks this, but at the time that these two words run through your head you are usually hurting. I feel betrayed, and stupid for somehow falling for it again. AGAIN! URGH! I guess I kind of brought it on myself. I was warned, but still trusted and hoped that everyone was wrong and that this person I believed in so much would not disappoint me. Well, obviously I was the one who was wrong, or else I wouldn't be writing this right now. At first it hurt, because I trusted this person with my feelings. I was bitter the day after and tried hard to get over it the next day. Well, now I am to the stage where the bitterness has returned, but with a slight edge of betrayal. I was trying to just, "forgive and forget," but then I find out things that I wish I had known sooner. Things that hurt and break me all over again. I don't really like feeling broken. I guess this is the first time that I have really felt this way, and I never want to feel like this again. Yet, sadly it is bound to happen. I just hope the next time I give someone my trust that they don't abuse it. I hope that they realize how precious and fragile a thing like trust is. Okay vent session over...

I gave in...

Okay, so I gave in and created a blog! Stay Tuned....