I Choose

I choose to be me.
I choose to be happy, I choose to be sad.
I choose to forgive, I choose to forget.
I choose to remember, I choose to hold on.
I choose to have the last word, I choose to drop the issue.
I choose to turn the other cheek, I choose to throw the first punch.
I choose to be the dancer, I choose to be the singer.
I choose to be the center of attention,
I choose to stand in the shadows.
I choose to have an opinion, I choose to not care.
I choose to forget the fact that I choose.

So many times I think we forget that we are the deciders of our own actions. We may be influenced by so many things, yet those things do not make our decisions for us. Yes, they may affect it in a way, but no decision in out of our control. Outcomes of those decision and choices can't be determined by us. So I guess this is my new mid-year goal.

I choose to be happy; I choose to try; I choose to live

To Dream...

Today I went up to Salt Lake to watch my brother graduate from Boys State. I went up thinking that it was going to be a boring program that I would have to suffer through (but I obviously I was there to support by brother). For the most part the program was pretty dull. A bunch of old guys talked about the friends the boys had made and how great they were. How ever there was one talk that really got my attention. The previous year's boys had elected a boy with cerebral palsy (I think that is how you spell it) to be their Governor, giving him the opportunity to come back had lead this years boys. He started his talk by singing "The Impossible Dream" from the musical Man of La Mancha. It must have took a lot of confidence and courage on his part to stand up in front of all those people and give a speech that was hard for most to understand. He talked with so much convictions. He believed in his words so much and I could see how much they meant to him. I was so touch by the way the boys acted toward him. Often times I see high school boys acting immature and sometimes cruel towards those that are different than they are. Yet the light in his eyes and personality reflected upon these boys and the audience members. 
I guess what I am getting at is the fact that this boy who probably battled invisible giants his whole life with this physical impediment and came out victorious in many peoples eyes. Many of us don't have to tilt at such windmills. I want to inspire people and bring out an inner light as this boy did.

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

Sweet Surprises

You know how have gotten flowers many times in my life, for many different reasons. There is just something about getting some anonymously that just made my day.

I just wish I knew who they were from so that I could thank them because they were gorgeous.

To my anonymous Valentine:
Thank you for making one of the most seemingly lonely days, a little more special for me.

Roses are red, violets are blue..

Valentines day is tomorrow.... hurray (spoken sarcastically)

What a useless holiday, it is only good for spending money and stuff (oh, and for showing that special someone how much you care). However for all of us single people out there this holiday isn't much of a celebration, but more so a reminder of what we couldn't achieve. The sappy couples all around us just show us what we are missing.

Well, I say, who cares. Lets celebrate the fact that we can be happy with the point in our lives that we are at. Let us be happy in our current state of singleness.

For those of you who are not at this status, think about this... Valentine's Day comes around once a year, hopefully your special someone is there for you more than that. So why take special care on one day, why not make everyday Valentine's Day. I am sure this is not a novel idea, and I am not the first one to say it. It is just a small remind. Random act of love go along way, especially when they are not expected or anticipated.

Happy Valentine's Day

Oh and to the rest of us, Happy S.ingles A.wareness D.ay! hehe

Pass the Pumpkin Pie Please!!!

Today is a great day... A day all about thanks, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I would like to list just a few.

First and foremost, my Family. My rock, the ones who keep me grounded. Yes, I do frequently get frustrated with their nagging, but I know it is because they love me and they are often right when trying to help me.
Next, are my friends. I like to think of them as my extended family. I love each and everyone of them and thank the Lord everyday that I have such wonderful people to bless my life.
I am grateful that I have the opportunity to receive an education, even though I don't always take advantage of it by studying as much as I should.
Talents... I love the talents I have been given. The ability to move and express myself through dance and song just makes life that much more worth living.
I am even grateful for the "not so big and scary" blizzard that made campus close at three, giving me one more weekend to study for my test that I was going to take on Tuesday.
So thanks again; my family, my friends, my dance coaches. To all of you have touch my life in one way or another. Whether you were my shoulder to cry on, or the one that made me cry. Whether you build me up or break me down. I have been given a lot and have learned a lot over the past few years.
Now.... it is time to eat some pie

Ciou!

Lyrics to love!

THE NEXT TEN MINUTES--Jason Robert Brown

Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes we can handle that.
We could watch the waves, we could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait as the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?

GROW OLD WITH ME--Jason Robert Brown

Grow old with me, Stay as the days go past.
Grow old with me –Some things are meant to last.
If you’ll agree, Heaven might wait –We could delay our expiration date.

Grow old with me, Teach me the words to sing
When my last spring has finally sprung!
Stay for an hour, Stay for a day, Stay ‘til we shrink and get wrinkled and gray!
Grow old with me, and we’ll stay forever young!

Grow old with me –Darling, let’s fossilize!
With your blue eyes and my silver tongue!

Don’t leave me flat – Don’t leave me cold!
Don’t leave me rusted and crusted with mold,
Grow old with me, ‘Til my final fling is flung!
Grow old with me and we’ll stay forever young!

SOMEONE ELSE'S STORY-Chess

Long ago, in someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name, who looked a lot like me
Came to know, a man and made a promise
He only had to say and that's where she would be
Lately, although the feelings run just as deep
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so, will he miss me if I go?

In a way, it's someone else's story
I don't see myself, as taking part at all
Yesterday, a girl that I was fond of finally could see the writing on the wall
Sadly, she realized she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing, no choices whatsoever.

I could be, in someone else's story
In someone else's life, and he could be in mine
I don't see a reason to be lonely
I could take my chances further down the line
And if that girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now! I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me.

I love music. However if I wrote down all the lyrics I love, I would be typing for ever and the post would be the longest post in history. So these lyrics are even better with the music to back them up. I love all of Jason Robert Brown's music! Definitely worth looking up.

That is all.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a young women who lived in a magical place. This place was filled with music and dancing. She loved to dance. Day after day the music played and the dancing continued. It was pure bliss. Eventually her feet got tired and her body ached and her head ringed with melodious notes. However the young woman didn't mind. She just kept dancing and dancing.
Yet her joy could not last forever. One day a nasty mean old witch flew in and cursed her and her friends with a horrible spell. No longer could they spend their days dancing. They had to work instead, and it was the worst kind of work at that. Homework! The young woman was still happy, but only every other day. The days of dance the terrible spell could not effect.
On a particular night the young woman sat at her window and wished upon a star, "Star light, star bright..." She concluded her wish and finished her work and went to bed. A few more days went by and her wish came true. A big bus came and carried her companions and her away to a different land for a weekend of dance and fun. Sadly she couldn't stay there for ever. For all the other young ladies wanted to get back to their prince charming s.  The young woman laughed at the ridiculousness, but deep down knew it was a nice idea. When they returned home, the work began again. It was almost to much for the young lady. She was sometimes sad, because of the work she had to do. She was also sad because her friends were sometimes happy and sometimes sad and she liked it when they were happy. She also wanted what all the other girls had, a prince of her own. So she wished on another star, this time not too eager for the wish to come true. "Someday," she thought, "but, until that day at least I have my dancing to keep me happy.
And so she danced into a figurative sunset. As far as we know she is still living happily, the "ever after" just hasn't happened yet.

Oh well,
Someday.

What else can I say...

About a month ago I was walking through the store when I noticed the "card" aisle. I thought to myself, "Hey, fathers day is coming up next month I should look and get some ideas for cards for my dad. As I was looking I came across the PERFECT card. It was written for my dad. So I bought it then.Today I gave it to my dad, as he read he laughed along with it, knowing how well it defined our father/daughter relationship. As he reached the end I could see the tears that he was holding back. It made me tear up even. My father is the most wonderful man I know. No one comes close. I have meet many amazing people and they are all very dear to me, but no man is closer to my heart then my father. I have learned so much from his care and example. There are times that I do get frustrated with his constant need to know where I am and who I am with. Yet I know that it is because I am his only daughter and he wants to know that I am safe and sound. Someday I hope to meet the one man that is comparable to my father, and when I do I will not let him go. I wish that man luck though because filling my fathers shoes is going to be pretty tough.

On this father's day, it is only fitting that I not only recognize my earthly father, but my Heavenly Father as well. My mortal mind cannot comprehend the love that He has for his children (me included :)! ) I have been so blessed by Him and owe all that I am to Him. His care and guidance that He has shown me through my friends and family is more then I probably deserve. He is there through all of my trials, opportunities, heartaches, and joyful times. He remains constant when everything seems to fall apart and He is responsible for all the things that go my way. I love Him and my earthly father with my whole heart.
Happy Father's day!

Looking Back.

Today I went to a friends homecoming. It was almost as if he had never left. All the gang was back together with a few additions (Spouses, and kids). Everything was back to how it was before. I no longer felt like I was in college. I no longer worried about dance, or school, or relationships or anything. We all just talked and loved life. It was refreshing, and then I realized that soon we would all leave and continue our lives. Time had stopped for a brief moment, but I couldn't hold it there forever. It had to move on. So the time came and we all parted and went our separate ways. As I walked toward my car, the smell of the rain filled air and the look of the green grass ahead of me sent me into another flashback.

Nauvoo. The feeling of it seemed to seep quickly into my soul. I didn't know how or what had brought this feeling on, but I longed more then anything to be back in that place. Yes it was hot and humid at times. And I was always so tired after each and every show, but it didn't matter because I was so happy there. I was doing what I loved, with people I loved, in a place I loved. I wish that I could put the spirit of Nauvoo down in words. Sadly it is impossible. That place was amazing. I can't remember a time when I was so happy for no reason. We went spent a lot time in vans, we did a lot of seemingly boring things. Yet I loved every minute of it. I often wish I could turn back time. Maybe someday soon I will go back, but until then I just have to live with my memories.

Sunny Days

Have you ever noticed that there are certain things that make you happy?
For me it is things like:
-Dancing
-Singing
-Being with friends
-Sitting outside when the sun is shining
-Taking a drive with music blasting, not having to think about anything but the road ahead of me.
We all have a "happy list" that keeps us sane. Lately the one on the top of my list is music. There is just something about putting words to music that magnifies the feeling portrayed. If I had things my way, my life would be a musical. Where everyone would know the choreography, they would know the harmonies and words as well, and they wouldn't think I was some sort of freak when I randomly broke out into song in the middle of the street, or the hallway, or classroom, or hard test.
Wouldn't that be great! Ahh, sadly it is not possible. So for now I just have to dream about a world like that, and sing quietly to myself.