Don't Sneeze.

Yesterday was the longest day of my life, starting at 7 and ending at 1 in the morning. In between that time I had dance practice, Work, got into a car accident (luckily the only ones hurt were the cars), waited an hour and a half for the police to show, went to Salt Lake City to see Mary Poppins at the Capitol Theater. I also was able to go back stage and see how they did everything.

Needless to say, there are sometimes when i wish i could just curl up in a ball and fade away.

Dear Friend,

I am sorry I made you angry with the words I said.
Only meant to help, they ended up hurting instead.

You didn't quite take it, how I hoped you would.
And I guess I didn't handle it quite the way I should.

Your words were very harsh, the blow was deep and mean
And the impact of the words hurt more than could be seen.

I wanted to forgive you, but the words rang in my ears,
It was a hit too close to home, on one of my biggest fears.

I have always tried to help you because you're my closest friend
Yet my advice was met with malice and so now my help will end.

I will still be there to listen and hear of your daily pains,
but I will not offer any advice. No more, and never again.

I hope this doesn't seem too harsh or like I do not care.
Our friendship will go better if my feelings I do not share.

So my thoughts I will keep to myself, we're better off that way,
I guess I should start this promise now, that's all I have to say.

I Choose

I choose to be me.
I choose to be happy, I choose to be sad.
I choose to forgive, I choose to forget.
I choose to remember, I choose to hold on.
I choose to have the last word, I choose to drop the issue.
I choose to turn the other cheek, I choose to throw the first punch.
I choose to be the dancer, I choose to be the singer.
I choose to be the center of attention,
I choose to stand in the shadows.
I choose to have an opinion, I choose to not care.
I choose to forget the fact that I choose.

So many times I think we forget that we are the deciders of our own actions. We may be influenced by so many things, yet those things do not make our decisions for us. Yes, they may affect it in a way, but no decision in out of our control. Outcomes of those decision and choices can't be determined by us. So I guess this is my new mid-year goal.

I choose to be happy; I choose to try; I choose to live

To Dream...

Today I went up to Salt Lake to watch my brother graduate from Boys State. I went up thinking that it was going to be a boring program that I would have to suffer through (but I obviously I was there to support by brother). For the most part the program was pretty dull. A bunch of old guys talked about the friends the boys had made and how great they were. How ever there was one talk that really got my attention. The previous year's boys had elected a boy with cerebral palsy (I think that is how you spell it) to be their Governor, giving him the opportunity to come back had lead this years boys. He started his talk by singing "The Impossible Dream" from the musical Man of La Mancha. It must have took a lot of confidence and courage on his part to stand up in front of all those people and give a speech that was hard for most to understand. He talked with so much convictions. He believed in his words so much and I could see how much they meant to him. I was so touch by the way the boys acted toward him. Often times I see high school boys acting immature and sometimes cruel towards those that are different than they are. Yet the light in his eyes and personality reflected upon these boys and the audience members. 
I guess what I am getting at is the fact that this boy who probably battled invisible giants his whole life with this physical impediment and came out victorious in many peoples eyes. Many of us don't have to tilt at such windmills. I want to inspire people and bring out an inner light as this boy did.

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

Sweet Surprises

You know how have gotten flowers many times in my life, for many different reasons. There is just something about getting some anonymously that just made my day.

I just wish I knew who they were from so that I could thank them because they were gorgeous.

To my anonymous Valentine:
Thank you for making one of the most seemingly lonely days, a little more special for me.

Roses are red, violets are blue..

Valentines day is tomorrow.... hurray (spoken sarcastically)

What a useless holiday, it is only good for spending money and stuff (oh, and for showing that special someone how much you care). However for all of us single people out there this holiday isn't much of a celebration, but more so a reminder of what we couldn't achieve. The sappy couples all around us just show us what we are missing.

Well, I say, who cares. Lets celebrate the fact that we can be happy with the point in our lives that we are at. Let us be happy in our current state of singleness.

For those of you who are not at this status, think about this... Valentine's Day comes around once a year, hopefully your special someone is there for you more than that. So why take special care on one day, why not make everyday Valentine's Day. I am sure this is not a novel idea, and I am not the first one to say it. It is just a small remind. Random act of love go along way, especially when they are not expected or anticipated.

Happy Valentine's Day

Oh and to the rest of us, Happy S.ingles A.wareness D.ay! hehe

Love it.....

Isn't this just the most PRECIOUS picture EVER.

Moving forward.

This is it...
2011 here we come, whether we are ready of not.

Lets pray that we are ready.

Unashamed!

I AM A PART of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is in God’s hands. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, the bare minimum, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, frivolous living, selfish giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, applause, or popularity. I don’'t have to be right, first, the best, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith. I lean on Christ’s presence. I love with patience, live by prayer, and labor with the power of God’s grace.

My face is set. My gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my
companions are few, my Guide is reliable, and my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and spoken up for the cause of Christ.

I must go till He comes, give until I drop, speak out until all know, and work until He stops me. And when He returns for His own, He will have no difficulty recognizing me. My banner will be clear: 

I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

--Author unknown

Lets burn our textbooks.

HAHA, time for some fun. 1st item on the list for this holiday:

ICE SKATING!

Just Thinking

I am fairly certain that I am setting myself up for a fall.

@$%)(*&^%$

I don't really have anything to say, besides the fact that today was a bad day. I am tired of trying. I am tired of working for goals that will never come true. I am tired of things never, and I mean NEVER going my way. I am tired of always being disappointed.

I want to run away a be someone else.

I want out

Pass the Pumpkin Pie Please!!!

Today is a great day... A day all about thanks, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I would like to list just a few.

First and foremost, my Family. My rock, the ones who keep me grounded. Yes, I do frequently get frustrated with their nagging, but I know it is because they love me and they are often right when trying to help me.
Next, are my friends. I like to think of them as my extended family. I love each and everyone of them and thank the Lord everyday that I have such wonderful people to bless my life.
I am grateful that I have the opportunity to receive an education, even though I don't always take advantage of it by studying as much as I should.
Talents... I love the talents I have been given. The ability to move and express myself through dance and song just makes life that much more worth living.
I am even grateful for the "not so big and scary" blizzard that made campus close at three, giving me one more weekend to study for my test that I was going to take on Tuesday.
So thanks again; my family, my friends, my dance coaches. To all of you have touch my life in one way or another. Whether you were my shoulder to cry on, or the one that made me cry. Whether you build me up or break me down. I have been given a lot and have learned a lot over the past few years.
Now.... it is time to eat some pie

Ciou!

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

I can not believe that it snowed today. Granted it only lasted about 10 minutes, but still, snow?! I have lived in Utah my whole life, you would think that I like snow right? Wrong! People always ask if I ski or snowboard in the winter months. Sadly I do not. I would love to learn, but lets face the facts... I dance instead.
As a dancer, learning to ski or snowboard... not really high on my priority list, not to mention how extremely stupid I would be. People can say as much they want that certain things are not dangerous if you know what you are doing and you don't do anything crazy... I don't believe them. I am a mover, getting hurt and spending weeks or maybe even months not doing the thing I love, seems extremely ungrateful for the gift I have been given, not to mention it would drive me insane. So I play it safe...always. Not just in situations where physical danger is involved, but any type of danger.

Wow that was a very strange segway

"Mother Hen", someone once called me this. Did it offend me? Kind of, not too much, only a little. Why? I am not exactly sure. I think maybe because it insinuated that I don't know how to have fun, or that I like to keep other people from having fun or that I like to have control... over situations or people. I don't know? I get in a protective mood when I see these potentially dangerous situations. I blame my parents... I will forever be overly cautious because of them. It is how I was raised, but when I see my friends or family making decisions that in the future could eventually hurt them, I want to step in an save them from the fall. To that some may reply that falling is one of the ways of learning. Maybe it is... in some situations.

Maybe I just feel guilty about not stepping into situations in the past. I feel like I have to make up for them now... or maybe I see a pattern forming that I think I might be able to stop. Yet how do you help someone who won't listen. It is so frustrating.

To whom ever reads this entry, I am sorry. I have no idea why this all came out today, and to be honest I really didn't have anyone in mind when the words flowed from my fingers. I guess today was just a day of reflection for me. Point is, there are things I wish I would have done differently when I look back on my life, friends I wish I would have confronted before things went south. I don't know everything... in fact, when it comes to life and life experiences many people know more them me, but there is something inside of me that will always be protective of those I love... no matter what.

Dance Sport :)

Actually, not so excited about it. Someone please put me out of my misery so that I don't have to go through with this!!!

Lyrics to love!

THE NEXT TEN MINUTES--Jason Robert Brown

Will you share your life with me for the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes we can handle that.
We could watch the waves, we could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait as the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?

GROW OLD WITH ME--Jason Robert Brown

Grow old with me, Stay as the days go past.
Grow old with me –Some things are meant to last.
If you’ll agree, Heaven might wait –We could delay our expiration date.

Grow old with me, Teach me the words to sing
When my last spring has finally sprung!
Stay for an hour, Stay for a day, Stay ‘til we shrink and get wrinkled and gray!
Grow old with me, and we’ll stay forever young!

Grow old with me –Darling, let’s fossilize!
With your blue eyes and my silver tongue!

Don’t leave me flat – Don’t leave me cold!
Don’t leave me rusted and crusted with mold,
Grow old with me, ‘Til my final fling is flung!
Grow old with me and we’ll stay forever young!

SOMEONE ELSE'S STORY-Chess

Long ago, in someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name, who looked a lot like me
Came to know, a man and made a promise
He only had to say and that's where she would be
Lately, although the feelings run just as deep
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so, will he miss me if I go?

In a way, it's someone else's story
I don't see myself, as taking part at all
Yesterday, a girl that I was fond of finally could see the writing on the wall
Sadly, she realized she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing, no choices whatsoever.

I could be, in someone else's story
In someone else's life, and he could be in mine
I don't see a reason to be lonely
I could take my chances further down the line
And if that girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now! I'd tell her that for free
Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me.

I love music. However if I wrote down all the lyrics I love, I would be typing for ever and the post would be the longest post in history. So these lyrics are even better with the music to back them up. I love all of Jason Robert Brown's music! Definitely worth looking up.

That is all.

One of those days

Can I just say how much I hate being sick. The End

Proud to be

I woke up to words I didn't understand.
"The World Trade Center has been hit by terrorists." What? Who are terrorists, and what is the World Trade Center? My mind was spinning. My mother left my room to allow me to continue sleeping. I already didn't feel well and this new information just confused me. After my family had left to go about their day, the house was eerily silent. I dragged myself out of bed carrying my blanket and pillow with me. I moved emotionless down the stairs. The words terrorists and World Trade Center kept ringing in my head.

I turned on the news eager to know what was happening. The chaos and pandemonium that the screen displayed was terrifying. I sat in awe as I watched the black smoke billowing out of the tall building. Who could do such a thing. Pools of tears gathered in my eyes as I mourned for the people I didn't know. My seventh grade mind didn't understand why or how anyone could fly a plane into a building. I watched as people cried and tried to get away from the horror. I looked on as people, hopeless and fearful, jumped from the building, taking their own lives. My heart cried out for these souls.

Clutching the blanket and squeezing my pillow didn't prevent the next event. Unfolding before my eyes was an American horror film or so it seemed. The small dot at the edge of the screen got larger and larger until the unidentified object was given a name. Another plane zoomed straight into the next building. I sat wide eyed as the building tumbled to the ground. I couldn't believe my eyes. This must be a movie or something. I can't actually be watching this. But it was real. All of it. To me it was the projection of the days events on a screen. For the people in New York it was their whole world in dust falling on their streets.

Now 9 years later we still remember this event. Just as the last generation remembers the details about the fateful day of December 7th, the day that Pearl Harbor was attacked. This generation will forever remember where we were, what we were doing and who we were with on the day that our country was seriously attacked in over half a century. September 11th will go down in history. The American people came together in the days and weeks that followed.

Americans, we are a strong able nation. We are blessed to be a part of this land, and though enemies my rise up to destroy us we must hold strong. We must never give up hope that tomorrow will bring a better day. Each day the sun rises and sets. Each day brings some good and some bad. We must never forget what this nation stands for. This nation's people have endured much since before its beginnings. Let us try to never sway from what this country represents. One nation, under God. To promote liberty and justice. To be a people who work for the betterment of our fellow men, whether they be of our race and creed, or another. God bless this land, and this people. God bless the USA!

Once Upon A Time...

There was a young women who lived in a magical place. This place was filled with music and dancing. She loved to dance. Day after day the music played and the dancing continued. It was pure bliss. Eventually her feet got tired and her body ached and her head ringed with melodious notes. However the young woman didn't mind. She just kept dancing and dancing.
Yet her joy could not last forever. One day a nasty mean old witch flew in and cursed her and her friends with a horrible spell. No longer could they spend their days dancing. They had to work instead, and it was the worst kind of work at that. Homework! The young woman was still happy, but only every other day. The days of dance the terrible spell could not effect.
On a particular night the young woman sat at her window and wished upon a star, "Star light, star bright..." She concluded her wish and finished her work and went to bed. A few more days went by and her wish came true. A big bus came and carried her companions and her away to a different land for a weekend of dance and fun. Sadly she couldn't stay there for ever. For all the other young ladies wanted to get back to their prince charming s.  The young woman laughed at the ridiculousness, but deep down knew it was a nice idea. When they returned home, the work began again. It was almost to much for the young lady. She was sometimes sad, because of the work she had to do. She was also sad because her friends were sometimes happy and sometimes sad and she liked it when they were happy. She also wanted what all the other girls had, a prince of her own. So she wished on another star, this time not too eager for the wish to come true. "Someday," she thought, "but, until that day at least I have my dancing to keep me happy.
And so she danced into a figurative sunset. As far as we know she is still living happily, the "ever after" just hasn't happened yet.

Oh well,
Someday.

Wednesday

Today I woke up almost positive that today was the day. The day I had been waiting for, for months. I had speculated and calculated and ran the numbers over and over and over again. And according to all sources I was finally going to find out what I wanted to know so much. I thought to myself no more sleepless nights. No more worrying. NO MORE! and then, what the... sources change their mind. I have to wait til Monday? I have to go the rest of week with out sleeping. Urgh! so frustrated. So many things I can't even begin. Actually I could, but I am sick of words, things just need to start happening. Whatever, end of vent.